Updated: Apr 16
This blog posting had been sitting idle for some time and today I decided to brew me a cup of green tea and allow my fingers to be a channel for areas of my sexuality I am continuously exploring: Polyamory.
Many have heard of it, are befuddled by it, and often confuse it with an inability to commit to one person, a person who will always cheat (wrong), swinging/swingers, and strangely enough—polygamy, which is another thing entirely.
Polyamory defined: “is typically the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships where individuals may have more than one partner, with the knowledge and consent of all partners. It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy" (Source: Wikipedia).
In some sense, I have always been poly—my actions/speech/thoughts were always polyamorous in nature. I have always been a very difficult person to be in a relationship with because of this. Not because I lack the ability to commit or am afraid of long-term relationships, but because people simply find my desires and proclivities strange and such desires make people feel insignificant and unimportant. If there is one thing I have learned in my years of being sexually active and dating is that people are 1) Ego driven 2) Emotionally fragile 3) Selfish 4) Possessive 5) Petty. Even when they fight hard to not be these things, they still are.
When in a relationship, I will state honestly that I am attracted to other people and I will honestly say that I want the occasional menage a trois , solo encounters, to watch my partner be intimate with someone else, and I will encourage my partner to explore their sexuality outside of our primary relationship. I will encourage healthy sexploration while on vacation, fetish and kink exploration, and encourage my primary partner to explore their egoic obsessions around the archetypal ideas of possessiveness, jealousy, and the false sense that monogamy is the highest ideal even when both parties are miserable. I invite my partners to play with the ideas of gender and gender identification and what being a lesbian/hetero/bi and having multiple partners honestly really means. I believe that each individual in a relationship is first and foremost AN INDIVIDUAL and should be treated as such. I believe in maintaining individual interests, friends, and activities along with shared ones as it keeps the evil of co-dependence away. I believe that each person has a right to be sexually and emotionally satisfied and that the relationship should be the primary safe space where they are allowed and encouraged to fully express their needs, fantasies, and receive assistance in bringing these to fruition.
If I am in a primary relationship with someone and we share a household together I abide by a singular rule that I hope they abide by as well: PROTECT OUR HOUSEHOLD. What that means is that one is to never allow any outside party through our actions or on their own to disturb the peace and tranquility within the household. My home to me is a sacred and safe space. I like quiet and peace, I don’t do emotional highs and lows, drama, I don’t argue (I discuss), and I protect all that dwells under my roof and I expect my partner to do the same. That means being honest about your feelings, thoughts, and desires 100% of the time. It means not involving yourself with someone from outside of our household who causes emotional/mental drama for yourself and subsequently upsetting the balance in the house. It means PULLING YOUR WEIGHT 100% OF THE TIME and taking full responsibility for your emotional, mental and physical well-being in an honest way as it relates to me, your primary partner.
Being currently single, I don’t have such worries, but today I am in a reflective mood after a conversation with a friend who is also polyamorous. It has been quite some time since I dated...perhaps I will get out in the city and enjoy the bevy of beauties that Atlanta has to offer before my departure.
Articles and videos of Interest if you curious about polyamory:
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