The Apocalyptic End of Review Culture
**Note: I wrote this piece pre-SESTA/FOSTA on my old blog but I am reposting it here as I recently discovered a fake review on my profile. I originally wanted to retire this post but slobbyist won't let anyone be great and fake review culture is insistent upon reviving itself. 😐**
Center image credit: @FCKTER on Twitter
Sex workers and suitors alike have had a love/hate relationship with many of what are often called collectively the “Big Boards” of the industry. This is especially true post-SESTA/FOSTA. These boards (still) offer a way for sex workers in various facets of the industry to advertise their offerings, connect with other sex workers in ladies only forums, get updates on Big Brother's activity in a given state or city and connect with and chat with men known as “hobbyist” in public discussion forums. They also offer a way for newbies, clients, and hobbyists to discuss topics ranging from football to sex workers in shockingly explicit detail. Such boards actually have a large reader/viewership beyond what is seen upon login, as anyone who is aware of them can utilize them for due diligence on a specific sex worker which is a double-edged sword. Big Brother often uses these boards as well in their war on “illegal sex trafficking” (see Maggie McNeill’s blog as it is chock full of articles on this fact).
Hobbyist: A person--usually male--who has a lot of reviews under his belt usually 50+, is very active on his local board, and whose opinion regarding sex workers and the industry is well regarded among fellow hobbyist and newbie peers. This is the guy most all of us hate. The "slobbyist".
The truth is most of us sex workers hate the Big Boards—there are two which most of us loathe but I will not name because their notoriety already precedes them and they do not need free advertising. Many of us would prefer to not use them because of the damage that can be done to our businesses by one dissatisfied client or a vindictive ass who knows that the inter-workings of the system skew heavily in his favor and that we have ZERO recourse when a fake or slander review is written about us. The ability to seek proper recourse for such instances is virtually non-existent and often times when we are successful in getting a bad review or bad thread taken down, the damage has been done and the road to rebuilding one’s reputation is long. It has been well documented that men take the word of other men over that of a woman and a sex worker speaking out on mistreatment or bad conduct is rarely believed. Why would a whore tell the truth about a guy behaving badly—she is a whore after all?! Of course, it is her fault that she received the bad review, the guy couldn’t possibly have done something to elicit the response he received. Why would a guy take the time out of his precious day of conquering the interwebs to write a slander review against a provider he has never met before?! In the world of #TimesUp, INCEL culture, #MeToo, and #BoysWillBeBoys all the reasons why should be more than obvious.
I have two bad reviews (Now three as of March 2020. This one is fake as it states I was in a city I never traveled to due to covid19 by a person I never engaged with) to my name if a person were to dig back in my review history. The first was a guy who was pissed that I wouldn’t leave work early (at the time I held a corporate job) to see him who became increasingly belligerent over email—even hurling racial and homophobic slurs. I never succeeded in getting his review removed. Back then the boards were managed by local moderators and I was told that I “lacked sufficient evidence to merit removal". At the time, I provided emails to the moderator whereby the guy in question openly admitted that he wrote the slander review because he was salty that I would not drop everything and for him, because after all--the tip of his cock was the center of the universe and his shining personality was that of a god. Submitting them as proof was not enough to get the review removed. The other review was written by one of the few Black men I saw who stated that I had “bad skin” (I never have a day in my life) and was “ok” in looks. I remember him quite well to this day; he was arrogant, full of himself, and wanted things that I was in no way comfortable doing and he made it known that he was a reviewer several times during our encounter, and attempted to threaten me with a bad review. The threat of a bad review is a sort of psychological rape that companions must endure during an encounter with a slobbyist, and often is the very root of the “disconnect” or “choreographed/robotic” experiences men write about. The mental anguish is increased if we are aware we are seeing a hobbyist who is an avid reviewer. I have companion friends who check out the scores a hobbyist typically give and if he is a prolific fiction writer or gives ladies consistently terrible reviews they won't see them.
There is a backlash that has been ongoing since 2014 and has truly picked up steam post-SESTA/FOSTA and especially since the two largest offenders came back online in January 2020. Many ladies across the country are delisting themselves and others such as Adrianna Carter and @FCKTER have been leading an apocalyptic crusade against the corrupt and degrading system. Viva la Revolución!
THE REVIEW SYSTEM
The review system by its very nature becomes a system of non-consent—especially for those providing services outside the realm of intercourse or anal sex. You are not consulted as to the validity of the review. You are never notified that you even have one. You stumble upon them. If it is fake or slander the burden of proof is on you...not him.
The review system is a very explicit way of ranking the performance and looks of a sex worker by those who may or may not have seen her. It is graphic, often demeaning and leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. They are poorly written pieces of highly fictitious erotica that are often heavily embellished (even the real ones!) in order for them to be published in the first place. Many a gentleman has said that in order to get a review of a lady they met with published, it gets denied multiple times before due to “not enough detail” until the deep and sordid details of every sigh, moan and cum load are described with an embarrassing amount of embellishment. A girl is given a ranking of 1-10 on looks (which includes her weight, gender presentation, and ability status) and performance and it has been suggested that an element of racism exists in the system as several men who often patron African-American sex workers have confessed that whenever they attempt to give her a 10/10 they are given bullshit reasons as to why their reviews are consistently denied…that is until they lower at least one of the scores by two points. (*Note: There are exceptions to every rule. I have a singular 10/10 but that is also from a well-respected hobbyist too. But just because something is allowed to happen on occasion doesn’t mean that getting it to happen did not take an act of Congress with aid from a pantheon of gods.)
There is also the well-known fact that if a sex worker does not provider intercourse, she cannot receive marks higher than a 7 and a 7 was once the kiss of death for any sex worker’s business. If sensual massage, BD/SM, Dominatrix, Fetishist or Kinktress without sex (with her) is offered, anything above a 7 is unachievable. The review system by its very nature becomes a system of non-consent—especially for those providing services outside the realm of intercourse or anal sex. If the only reason I consent to sex and/or I take a look at my business model and make the decision to start having sex or start offering anal is because I see the clear correlation between offering such services and higher scores on reviews and an increase in patronage, then that is still a form on non-consent. IT IS A FORM OF SILENT COERCION DUE TO THE CULTURE OF A COMMUNITY THAT RELEGATES WOMEN TO YELP REVIEWS. The time for change to review culture is long overdue.
A NEW DAY
The purpose of reviews should be nothing more than a critical step in the due diligence process for sex workers and patrons alike. It should not be the circle-jerk, chest-beating “cum on her face festival” that it once was and that it is trying revive. It should be a system that respects both the privacy of sex workers and the patrons who seek their company and it should be a two-way street should a patron seek or attain hobbyist stature.
The critical pieces of information in my view are:
Is her location a hotel or private?
If private, is it discreet and is the location safe?
How did you first make contact with the provider?
Other (please specify)
Was this her preferred method of contact?
If no and you were able to meet with the provider, give specific reason she gave for seeing you anyway?
How would you gauge the cleanliness of the location?
Please explain the reason for your choice in detail.
Was the provider the person in the photos?
Were the photos accurate?
If “No” or “Sort of”, please explain the reason for your choice in detail.
Type of experiences(s) offered?
Type of experience(s) you engaged in?
Were you pleased with how you were greeted?
Please explain the reason for your choice in detail.
Personal hygiene of provider at time of visit:
Please explain RESPECTFULLY in detail.
Did you feel safe and were you able to fully relax?
Please explain any reason given in more detail.
Would you see this specific provider in the future?
Please explain any reason given in more detail.
This method is simple and unobtrusive. If a bad review is given, before it goes up publicly a provider is given notice by email before posting and up to a week to dispute it using emails exchanged between themselves and the suitor as well as photos (*Note: Currently we receive no notification that we even have a new review. They are little unwelcomed surprises often told to us by other sex workers or suitors). This could weed out potentially pissed off and vindictive bad actors. Furthermore, if a provider has a good experience with a known hobbyist who has reviewed her, she should be able to file a PUBLICALLY VIEWABLE similar report on him/her. We already have private systems in place for bad experiences and such things need to remain private and among ourselves for safety reasons but when we see hobbyists, I fully believe they should receive full reviews as a way to level the playing field and self-police both sides of the community. While my methodology is by no means perfect, it is a start in the right direction of changing reputation-damaging, coercive review culture. Sex workers have a right to critique what is published publicly about them and a right to dispute bad press. A patron's opinion on his experience with a sex worker should be able to be countered and fully disputed—especially if she has a string of excellent reviews and suddenly is lambasted in a new review or in a public forum. No matter what type of experience a given sex worker offers, intercourse (and especially anal sex) should not receive the highest marks of all and a massage provider should not feel pressured into sex to get higher scores and increase her review rankings. Furthermore, looks are highly subjective—what’s one man’s goddess could be another man’s ogre. Why rank looks, weight, or ability status? Asking if she is the girl in the photos and if the photos are accurate is enough. Lastly, a sex worker should not feel pressured to show her face to get more business or as a way to dispute low scoring reviews (I feel this silent pressure myself). No one considers the fact that the patrons who engage us hide behind board handle names, fake email addresses, and we more often than not don’t see their faces until we open the door on a first date. We have private lives that deserve the same amount of protection and respect as any of the suitors who seek our company. Asking for unblurred pictures is highly disrespectful and writing in a review...
“Her pics are blurred which has given me pause for a long time but since her latest reviews are within my criteria for someone I typically meet I gave it the go-ahead. She should really consider showing her face as she is beautiful and she would get more business.”
Dear Naïve and Arrogant Sir,
I blur my face because I am aware that there is face-matching technology out there and I am always aware of scraper sites that will take my image and ad copy and post shit as far away as the Xin Hang Province in China. I also plan on a future after this industry and if my face is plastered all over the internet should I remain in the U.S. where certain types of sex work is prohibited, getting a job could be thwarted by the fact that HR and background check firms now look at potential hire’s social media and perform Google image matches on faces checking for unsavory activity and BOOM! There my face is on some ancient ad I posted years prior that the platform refused to take down or stole. Sir, even the most high-end sex workers are seen as pariah by all of society for the choice to engage in this type of work. So how dare you ignorantly and arrogantly request more pictures of me where I show my face via email, text or other means then play juror and judge for me not doing so.
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